Most people want to love and be loved. What is the quality of your closest relationships like? It is necessary to examine our relationship(s) with the people closest to us. Are they fulfilling? Is there a healthy dynamic? Do our intimate relationships have a toxic effect on us? Is the exchange in these relationships mutual? Do we feel drained when we leave those we are closest to?
While a look at those we are connected to is helpful, even more critical is a self-examination. What models of interpersonal interaction did we see coming up? Do we have trust issues with people? Are we hyper-sensitive? The answer to these questions could be yes, especially after experiencing a violation of our human rights through the damage inflicted by domestic violence.
I struggle with low-self esteem. The lack of self-worth I fight to overcome has had a ripple effect permeating every relationship I have. Awareness has helped me to try to adjust this aspect of my personality. As a result of trying to overcompensate for voids created by the hurtful experiences I’ve had, I tend to cling to people and develop a sort of codependency on them for approval and love.
Through spirituality, therapy, self-help books, support groups and loving souls who I’ve been fortunate to cross paths with, I’ve made a lot of progress in identifying why I struggle with self-love and how to apply constructive ways to learn how to love myself in a balanced, positive way.
A realization that I must learn to love myself before seeking a loving, intimate relationship with someone else has been life-affirming. If you have not yet done an honest self-examination about your relationship with you, try one today. I once heard it put this way: when you look in the mirror, if you don’t like something you see, you make an adjustment. Similarly, if you don’t like what you find when you examine your inner self, pursue avenues to change it for the better.
©2013 Joy Lyn
©2013 Joy Lyn
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