Scars are Proof of Healing

I adopted my dog from a pet shelter. When I got him he was timid, fearful and anxious. A month from today it will have been eight years since he joined my family. He is now a secure, playful and loved pet whose past is mostly behind him.  I say mostly because there is a part of his past that still remains. When I first got him the shelter knew little about his background. Over time I have been able to discern some of what may have happened to him based on his behavior. He is frightened of thunder – that may be true of dogs in general – but his reaction to it is complete distress. At the booming sound that may or may not accompany lightning, he trembles and quakes with fear of harm.  If someone raises a hand at him, he automatically assumes it is to strike him and he crouches down.  He absolutely dislikes rain and if it is steady and heavy will refuse to go to the bathroom on a walk. I have surmised that at some point during his past, he was mistreated. Living in a household where he has received abundant love, affection and care for much longer than he was mistreated may have helped heal whatever trauma he experienced, but there are still emotional scars.

            This is not unlike the experience of us DV survivors. We may heal, grow, recover but our scars – however light and barely visible – remain. Physical healing takes place in layers, so too does emotional healing. We need to be gentle with ourselves and remember that our pasts have made us need a bit more tender loving care than the next person and that’s okay.  There is nothing shameful in making this admission, it is just part of our personal truth based on the experiences we have had that were out of control. We must be the primary advocates of dispensing this much needed treatment to ourselves; then receiving it from external sources will be a luxury. Take time to give yourself peace, calm and even some indulgence. Life is harried, stressful and demanding. It is critical to ensure that we balance all those demands out with some tranquility. We are worth it. ©2013 Joy Lyn

Whom You Least Expect

Dear Readers,

                My hiatus was not voluntary or intentional. I missed creating pieces for you to read. My thoughts were continual but circumstance did not permit me to blog. I would like to dedicate this particular entry to someone who made an imprint on my life. The message I want to share today is: domestic violence does not discriminate. Yes, there are statistics and demographics out there that say that a certain type of woman is more likely to be affected by D.V. than others but truthfully, D.V. can and does cross all types of socio-economic, racial, age and cultural lines.  No different from any other plague, it does not care who it attacks.  About a week ago, I had the displeasure of stumbling upon the unfortunate news that a woman I knew for just over a decade, was murdered in cold blood by her husband at her thriving place of business before he took his own life.  To learn that she was enduring domestic violence is still something I am trying to process. She had the appearance of being near-perfect. She was a well-paid professional, married, a mother, confident, feisty. In her presence I sometimes felt less than -at no fault of her own- it was due to my own insecurity.  She was just that together. This lovely lady was the last person most people who knew her would’ve thought was enduring domestic violence. We certainly didn’t think it would claim her life.  With all the resources she had access to, I am forced to wonder why she didn’t seek outside help for her plight before it was too late. Pride? Shame?  Confusion? It is best to refrain from making judgments about others based on appearance, you never know what someone is really enduring underneath the surface. The woman you think has it all may be crying herself to sleep at night. ©2013 Joy Lyn