Love

Just over a decade ago, I took my mother on her first cruise. In fact, it was her first trip outside of the country of her birth. The cruise was supposed to be the makeup honeymoon trip for me and my then husband. (Our initial honeymoon was abruptly interrupted and we had to return home before the expected time). Instead, he flew halfway across the country to have a jaunt with his mistress. I could not cancel the cruise trip due to time constraints and my mother offered to come along with me instead of having me travel alone or not go at all. I appreciated my mother's thoughtfulness, she was not in the best of health, yet as always, she was being self-sacrificing in behalf of one of her children. Because of my failing marriage I felt devoid of energy mentally and emotionally. Physically, all I wanted to do was sleep. I had no appetite, no energy, no clarity. My peace was disturbed. Going on the cruise with my Mom was a healing time for me and her. She too was in a turmoil-filled marriage, -her second one- and getting far away from our respectively troubled households to a paradisaic setting was soothing to both our anxious hearts. Around 3 am one morning (I looked at the lampstand clock), she called me on the deck to sit with her. The night sky was pure darkness except for a huge, perfectly round, larger-than-life glowing moon that appeared to be facing us and sitting on the surface of the water. It softly illuminated the surrounding darkness. The gently flowing surface current that rocked the boat to and fro, belied the power of the vast, infinite ocean. Before Mommy woke me, I was enjoying the best sleep I'd had in months and was a little irritated that she wanted me to join her on deck at this time. At first I tried to pretend not to hear her, but her voice was insistent, urgent almost. I grumbled my way to the balcony and plopped down beside her on the adjoining beach chair . Although it was warm in the Caribbean the night air was cool enough to merit covers and we were both ensconced in the ones from our beds. My mother spoke to me that night about the power of the Creator and his creation: specifically the ocean and moon that were before us. She reminded me that He is love and can do anything. She the mentioned my new puppy. At the time I had only had him for four months.  He was a rescue and shortly after bringing him home I discovered he had an awful case of kennel cough. The timing was fortunate. I was home on vacation for the next three weeks and was able to lavish him with love, nurture and care. At the close of those weeks he was healthy and thriving. What my  mother said remains with me today. Love is a powerful thing. Love can heal. The most powerful Source of goodness -God himself- is Love. "Look what your love did for that dog," she said. "Your love brought him back to life!" I did not realize it until she said it. Yet her words are so true. Make sure you go where the love is. Love is the most powerful force and it can do amazing things. - Joy Lyn  ©2016

What I Need to Hear Sometimes: Love with an Awareness

It is okay to love after you have survived domestic violence. It is okay to let yourself be loved after surviving domestic violence. By all means do love and let yourself be loved. Yes it can be a terrifying thing to love again, but don’t let your past experiences hinder your future. Instead let your past experiences inform your future. You now know that love can fail. Terribly. You now know that love shouldn’t hurt. Mostly. You now know what love is not. Despite all that Love anyway. Just love differently. Love and be loved constructively, not destructively.  Love with an awareness now. Love with an awareness that loving is a risk. Love with an awareness that being loved is a risk. Love anyway. Love with a hope that this love will work. Love with the belief that love can and does work. Love. Love. Love. Don’t be afraid of love. Don't be afraid to love. Don’t hold the wrongs of your abuser against the new person in your life who is trying to love you. Love is to be embraced and felt fully. Immerse yourself in it. Love. Love. Love. Joy Lyn ©2015

Fragile Survivors

People equate survival with strength, but more often than not, especially after just getting out of an abusive relationship, we are fragile survivors.  We may be resilient, but we don't necessarily feel that way. Many of us barely made it through a hell that we probably kept hidden from the friends and family closest to us. When we build up enough courage to leave an abuser, we don't need judgment or disapproval or criticism or comparison to other couples. We need support, we need uplifting, we need care, we need love. © Joy Lyn 2015.

Make sure you don't start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don't value you.  Know your worth even if they don't. - Thelma Davis

You cannot heal what you refuse to first acknowledge. - Bryant McGill

Emergence

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths.  These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern.  Beautiful people do not just happen." - Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Be Not Defeated

Your struggle is your strength.  If you can resist becoming negative, bitter or hopeless, in time, your struggles will give you everything. - Bryant McGill

Wisdom & Encouragement

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated.  In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it. - Maya Angelou

Awareness in October

Domestic Violence Awareness and Breast Cancer Awareness are both in October. They are not in competition with one another however. Both celebrate survivors.Show Your Support.

October

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Show your support by wearing a purple ribbon, purple piece of jewelry or purple article of clothing.

One Day at a Time

"Every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day." - Source Unknown

Say it Is So

"You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think." - A.A. Milne

Take Time to Renew You

"Self-care is not about self-indulgence, it's about self-preservation." - Audre Lorde

Life's Lesson for Me Today

"A teacher effects eternity. He can never tell where his influence stops." 

This is not just true of teachers, but any of us. Each of us, in our own little way, effects eternity. The impact we have on other's lives are like ripples in a body of water that expand far beyond their source.   What ripples are you causing?

In His Presence

I probably admire each of my friends, but I have a handful of friends in particular who I really esteem. One in particular is a survivor of many hardships who thrives. I revere her outlook on life.  Whenever given a choice about how to feel, she chooses happiness. Her perception of things is usually optimistic.  In the presence of colleagues and peers, she shines. I often think of her as a hardy flower: beautiful, yet strong and enduring. She is by no means perfect, but fragility is not one of her flaws.  The first time I saw her interact with her husband, I was dumbfounded that she seemed to wilt in his presence. I never mentioned this to her, of course. As our friendship progressed, she eventually confided in me about his poor treatment of her.  Although she was the last woman I would ever imagine being a victim of abuse, she actually was. There is no single type of victim when it comes to domestic violence.

From Pitiful to Empowered

Last night I was in one of those moods trauma survivors tend to get into. A woe-is-me, self-pity fest. I felt unlovable, unloved and worthlessly low. Since the end of my abusive marriage I have not found the nourishing, restorative love in a mate my heart has longed for. I started playing the self doubt script my ex often fed me: "who will want you?" "you are not worthy" and more negative thoughts. Who would want me? What good was I? I began to relent. At that point I just so happened to walk into the living room and a program of the Oprah Winfrey show called "Where Are They Now?" was airing. Oprah was featuring a female guest whose name I missed. The woman was attractive, appeared to be in her early to mid-40's and looked like the picture of health. Something about her demeanor as Oprah questioned her, made me stop and watch. She was poised, confident and looked like a woman of stature.  I was shocked to learn that she was living with HIV which she unknowingly contracted from her bisexual husband. The woman said, for a period she thought her life was in permanent shambles. She summoned all the support and strength she could muster though and filed for divorce and a lawsuit against her maniacal partner. The lawsuit was still pending, and as yet she had received no financial settlement. She did however, receive something much greater than she could have ever expected in the form of divine justice. At her darkest point, the woman, who'd always dreamed of bearing children and raising a family did not deprive herself of believing in the impossible. She kept her heart and mind open to the best possible outcome in her life. Well, she found a partner who loved her in spite of her illness even after she was honest with him about her status and her desires. They consulted medical experts and asked about making conception possible for them both. She and her new love were able to conceive a baby who was fortunately born HIV-negative and is not only healthy but the spitting-image of her mother. In what could have been her most horrific pitfall, this woman found not only hope but a purpose. She now has a foundation to help women living with HIV and AIDS. After watching that program, my initially mountain-like seeming obstacles no longer loomed but shrank as small as a molehill. If this woman could find herself deserving and hopeful of love in the most unlikely of circumstances, surely I could. No miracle change happened overnight, I was not suddenly afloat with optimism, but I was given a glimmer of hope that I pass on to you. No matter how bad things seem, remember, the night is always darkest just before dawn. You could be on the verge of a breakthrough if you do not break down.
©Joy Lyn 2014

Couldn't Say It Better

"Surviving is important. Thriving is Elegant." - Maya Angelou

Poetry Corner

With their economy of words, masterful poets often concisely and accurately express profound truths about the human experience that people feel deeply but cannot always articulate.

The Lost Baby Poem
by Lucille Clifton

the time i dropped your almost body down
down to meet the waters under the city
and run one with the sewage to the sea
what did i know about waters rushing back
what did i know about drowning
or being drowned

you would have been born into winter
in the year of the disconnected gas
and no car       we would have made the thin
walk over genesee hill into the canada wind
to watch you slip like ice into strangers’ hands
you would have fallen naked as snow into winter
if you were here i could tell you these
and some other things

if i am ever less than a mountain
for your definite brothers and sisters
let the rivers pour over my head
let the sea take me for a spiller
of seas        let black men call me stranger
always        for your never named sake

later i’ll say
i spent my life
loving a great man
later
my life will accuse me
of various treasons
not black enough
too black
eyes closed when they should have been open
eyes open when they should have been closed
will accuse me for unborn babies
and dead trees
later
when i defend again and again
with this love
my life will keep silent
listening to
my body breaking
- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/23317#sthash.WkfapcoO.dpuf

the time i dropped your almost body down
down to meet the waters under the city
and run one with the sewage to the sea
what did i know about waters rushing back
what did i know about drowning
or being drowned

you would have been born into winter
in the year of the disconnected gas
and no car       we would have made the thin
walk over genesee hill into the canada wind
to watch you slip like ice into strangers’ hands
you would have fallen naked as snow into winter
if you were here i could tell you these
and some other things

if i am ever less than a mountain
for your definite brothers and sisters
let the rivers pour over my head
let the sea take me for a spiller
of seas        let black men call me stranger
always        for your never named sake

later i’ll say
i spent my life
loving a great man
later
my life will accuse me
of various treasons
not black enough
too black
eyes closed when they should have been open
eyes open when they should have been closed
will accuse me for unborn babies
and dead trees
later
when i defend again and again
with this love
my life will keep silent
listening to
my body breaking
- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/23317#sthash.WkfapcoO.dpuf

the time i dropped your almost body down
down to meet the waters under the city
and run one with the sewage to the sea
what did i know about waters rushing back
what did i know about drowning
or being drowned

you would have been born into winter
in the year of the disconnected gas
and no car
we would have made the thin
walk over genesee hill into the canada wind
to watch you slip like ice into strangers' hands
you would have fallen naked as snow into winter
if you were here i could tell you these
and some other things

if i am ever less than a mountain
for your definite brothers and sisters
let the rivers pour over my head
let the sea take me for a spiller
of seas let black men call me stranger
always for your never named sake


later i'll say
i spent my life
loving a great man


later
my life will accuse me
of various treasons


not black enough
too black
eyes closed when they should have been open
eyes open when they should have been closed


will accuse me for unborn babies
and dead trees


later
when i defend again and again
with this love
my life will keep silent
listening to
my body breaking




"The Battle"
by Gwendolyn Brooks


Moe Belle Jackson's husband
whipped her good last night.
Her landlady told my ma they had
a knock-down-drag-out fight.


I like to think
of how I'd of took a knife
and slashed all the quickenin'
out of his lowly life


But if I know Moe Belle,
most like, she shed a tear,
and this mornin' it was probably,
"more grits dear?"

Be Brave

There are so many variables involved in loving another person that are beyond one's control. That's why love is such a risk.  You are literally taking a chance. It can succeed or fall flat. It takes courage to love.
©Joy Lyn 2014

New Beginnings

Welcome to a New Year Readers! Look for the light in each day.